


Heavenly

by SundayZenith



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Archangel Castiel (Supernatural), Canon Compliant, Dean Winchester Needs to Use Actual Words, Dean Winchester Uses Actual Words, Dean and Cas in Heaven, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Humor, M/M, Others Mentioned - Freeform, Post canon, Sad Castiel (Supernatural), dumbasses to lovers, past major character death, referenced but not relevant, this was supposed to be like two pages of crack roasting the finale what happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:47:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29693172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SundayZenith/pseuds/SundayZenith
Summary: Cas has been avoiding Dean in heaven, despite Dean's best efforts to find some information on the guy.Seriously, Dean was beginning to feel like a creepy ex (which wasn’t fair since Cas was the one who ollied off to the angel graveyard before Dean could un-bluescreen himself and say “I love you” back, which meant they didn’t even get to be exes), fishing for information from everyone on Cas’s whereabouts.The others made a point to bash over his head how Dean and Castiel had apparently been in love and could have been together for over a decade if he had just gotten his head out of his ass sooner (again, super unfair. It takes two to make up destiel, and it's not like Cas had been rushing to declare his undying love until just before he died for the last time. Unless you count that other time in the barn where he thought he was dying, but the angel totally chickened out when he backtracked with his “I love you all.” This wasn’t all on Dean, and he was taking that fact to the- well. Not grave. They’re all a little past that at that point).Luckily, eventually, Cas comes to him
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 93





	Heavenly

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be crack to "celebrate" the 100 Day anniversary for that awful, homophobic final, then it became a fix-it on accident.
> 
> Also make sure to wear your seatbelts y'all

One good thing about heaven, Dean found, is that space and distance was basically meaningless. If he _really_ wanted to, he could -- and frequently did -- drive for what seemed like hours, then hop out at any random point to find himself basically in front of Bobby’s driveway or in Charlie’s driveway or at the heavenly Harvelle’s Roadhouse or basically anywhere where his deceased family had set up shop. Likewise, if they wanted to, they could walk a few steps vaguely down any random road to find him driving by so they could flag him down. He had the open road, his family at basically his finger tips, and his Baby (though his feelings were mixed on the Impala being in heaven. Everyone he had ever loved had banded together to _refuse_ to tell him whether the Impala being in heaven meant Sam had crashed it on earth. Dean hoped beyond hope that Sam and Eileen would take their sweet damn time getting up there, but the second his brother showed up, Dean would expect an explanation).

The one thing that would make it better was Cas. 

He knew Jack managed to work out a deal with the Empty to get Cas, and a few other angels Cas had okayed, out, and now Cas was playing co-pilot to Jack. Bobby told him, and Jack confirmed when he stopped for impromptu car picnics, that Cas had even been promoted to Archangel. Cas wasn’t suffering or being tormented. He was in heaven with the rest of their family. 

He was just dodging Dean like nobody’s business. Apparently, it didn’t matter how much you wanted to see someone in heaven if they didn’t want to see you, especially when you were basically the second or third highest ranking guy around.

Seriously, Dean was beginning to feel like a creepy ex (which wasn’t fair since Cas was the one who ollied off to the angel graveyard before Dean could un-bluescreen himself and say “I love you” back, which meant they didn’t even get to be exes), fishing for information from everyone on Cas’s whereabouts. The others were sympathetic, though Charlie and Jo -- who apparently formed a Dean’s Cruel And Evil Siblings club at some point, and were probably counting the days until Sammy could join the fold -- made a point to bash over his head how Dean and Castiel had apparently been in love and could have been together for over a decade if he had just gotten his head out of his ass sooner (again, super unfair. It takes two to make up destiel, and it's not like Cas had been rushing to declare his undying love until just before he died for the last time. Unless you count that other time in the barn where he thought he was dying, but the angel totally chickened out when he backtracked with his “I love you all.” This wasn’t all on Dean, and he was taking that fact to the- well. Not grave. They’re all a little past that at that point).

It wasn’t until two or so months into his time in heaven that Dean finally actually saw Cas, walking down the side of the road.

He slammed onto the brakes and reversed, terrified that Cas wouldn’t be there when he finally parked the car. Thankfully, he was.

Or at least Dean hoped it was Cas. There had been an awkward moment about a month earlier were Jimmy Novak waltzed into the Roadhouse with his wife, launching into this speech about how Castiel Deserved To Be Treated Right and If Dean Fucked Up, He Would Have Them To Answer To before Dean could finish processing what he was seeing (apparently, Cas managed to win the Novaks back over since he had stepped up to be Claire’s parental figure, and now Jimmy was fully embracing an Overprotective Brother/Father role for Cas. Jimmy, unlike Cas, wasn’t intimidating in the slightest, or so Dean thought.The fact that _Gabriel,_ also rescued from the Empty, appeared out of nowhere and joined him in this role actually made Dean fear for his life momentarily, before he remembered, oh yeah, not a problem anymore).

Judging from the somewhat apprehensive glare he was giving Dean, combined with the trench coat, it was Cas.

Dean was out the car in seconds, pulling Cas into a vice-like hug. After a moment, hesitant arms squeezed him back.

Dean wanted to stay there for eternity (and, theoretically, he could), but he had to make sure -- this wasn’t Jimmy or some evil doppelganger that made its way past the pearly gates or a trick or anything like that. That this was his angel. He pulled back just enough to stare the other in the eye.

“Cas?”

“Hello Dean.”

Okay, Cas’s gravely voice had been a major feature in many a guilty fantasy Dean’s had over the years, but he didn’t think he had ever been happier to hear it than he was now.

“Dude, holy shit, I-”

“Jack… erm,” Cas cut him off, looking slightly awkward. “He told me that if I didn’t meet with you, as soon as Claire passed away he would team up with her to… ‘Parent Trap’ us.”

The sight of Cas’s one handed finger quotes made Dean either want to burst into tears or kiss the daylights out of the angel. Instead, he forced a chuckle.

“Guess we have kinda been making him feel like a kid with split parents.”

Dean took in Cas’s blue eyes. He took in the crows feet around Cas’s eyes, the eternal scruff he had on his face, his crooked tie, his tanned skin, the slightly stiff way he always held himself, everything about him. Dean shouldn’t have worried about this not being Cas -- everything about him was just so _him_. Not Jimmy, not something you could replicate perfectly. His Cas.

Dean realized that he had no idea what to say now. Or rather, he had so much to say, months, _years_ of feelings and unspoken words clamoring over each other in his brain, and as much as he would love to wax poetics about Cas’s lips, he had a feeling that would be a slightly awkward conversation starter (and dammit, a much as he hated them, they needed to have A Conversation, capital letters and all. Hopefully, it would be a Chick Flick kind -- hey, he was dead, he could afford to ditch the fragile masculinity at the gate -- and not a Punchy Face kind).

“You…,” he nodded vaguely behind him to the Impala. “You wanna go for a ride, buddy?”

Driving in Baby would be safe, hopefully. As much as he enjoyed eye contact with Cas, the last time they had looked at each other, Cas had been crying (first and only time Dean had ever seen him really cry, too, a fact that haunted him his last few weeks of life) before being swallowed by the Empty. It wasn’t a fun memory, but it was one they had to address, and it might be easier if he didn’t have Cas’s intense eyes on him.

Cas, hesitating again (another reason to take this to the car: Dean wouldn’t have to watch Cas look like a deer caught in the headlights the entire time he poured his heart out), nodded.

\--

“So… how’d the Arch life for you?”

Small talk. _Wonderful, Winchester, your verbal constipation is charming as hell_.

_Better than driving in silence for the next forty years,_ he told himself.

“It’s... different. I’m glad Jack isn’t carrying this burden alone. I’m… I have my wings again.”

“Oh? That’s-that’s great, Cas!”

“I’m glad I can still be of use.”

Shit. The fact that Cas actually sounded happy, like that was a good thing, stung. It always stung when Cas acted like the only reason anyone would want him around was if he could be a tool, but Dean never knew how to get it through his thick skull that people loved Cas for _Cas_.

_I know how you see yourself,_ Cas had said. They were too much alike, he thinks.

But Cas was already moving on. “How are you, Dean?”

Dean blinked at the road in front of him, gripping the wheel.

“I’m-” alive, wait, no- “good. It’s nice, y’know? Seeing everyone, being around so much of my family. I… I miss Sammy.”

From the corner of his eye, Dean saw Cas look out the window. “I do, as well.”

Cas never got to say goodbye, Dean realized. His entire speech, how Dean changed him, how he cared for Sam and Jack and everyone -- yeah, it was meant for Dean, but Dean was the only one who got to hear it. 

Cas wouldn’t have needed to say goodbye if he hadn’t made that stupid deal, Dean thinks, not for the first time since Cas sacrified himself, with a flash of anger. He sets the anger aside for now, it won’t do him any good.

Dean considers changing the topic, maybe circling back to Cas’s wings, but he also wants to talk about Sam with someone like Cas -- someone who knew the same Sam Dean knew, not some past version or some version they watched on heavenly television. The Sam that was smitten with Eileen and helped raise Jack and have survived demon blood addiction and hell and grief time and time again -- the most updated model, basically. Though, Dean realized, the Sam he knew was getting farther and farther away everyday. Right now he and Eileen were rebuilding their lives, but soon enough they would be starting new lives, probably together, maybe having kids and going on new jobs and getting gray hairs.

“What if I don’t recognize him?” He asks aloud. “When he- when he gets here.”

Cas shifts beside him, and Dean feels the weight of his eyes.

“Bobby recognized you, did he not?”

“Well.. yeah, but-”

“Charlie, Ellen, Jo- they all knew you the instant they saw you.”

“But they weren’t there!” Dean grips his wheel, wills himself to take a breath, and turns his head enough to look at Cas. “The things we went through, the good and the bad- they weren’t there. They didn’t get the firsthand experiences. And I- I won’t, either, from here on out.”

It was Cas’s turn to look away again. “You won’t,” he agreed softly. “But you aren’t completely cut off from him, not like how heaven was set up.”

“I just- I wish I could be there,” Dean said.

“...I do, as well.”

They were both being mourned by their family on earth, Dean knew. While the versions of their loved one they knew were being left behind, they, the dead, were the ones who were actually rendered in the past tense for the living.

Dean shook his head. He had spent so long mourning his deceased family. Now he would spend decades mourning the living -- Sam, Jody, Garth, Claire, and so many others. He was old hat at the tired, hollow ache that was grief. They both were.

“I’m not saying I want him here anytime soon, for the record,” Dean said. He chuckles, attempting to lighten the mood. “Shoot, if he were to pop up here _now,_ I’d probably kick his ass, y’know?”

“Oh, trust me, _I know._ ” Cas’s voice was suddenly hard. Nice one, Winchester.

“Cas-”

“Two weeks, Dean. I sacrificed myself so you could live- _actually live-_ ”

“Trust me, I would’ve preferred to have been nailed by you instead of that, you know, actual fucking nail-”

“You what?”

“Actually, on the topic, I didn’t ask you to sacrifice yourself at all!” Okay, shelved anger was tipping over a bit, but hey, anger was a part of this. They can’t just act like it isn’t. 

“In case you forgot, Billie was trying to kill you-”

“I meant making that deal in the first place! What the hell, Cas?”

Cas bristled. “I didn’t make that deal for you. I made it to save Jack! My son- _our_ son!”

“Yeah, how do you think he felt about that?”

“Dean, I do not regret any of what I did-”

“You deserved to live!” Dean exclaimed.

Cas glares harder. “Not as much as you.”

How the hell was he supposed to unpack how wrong everything about that was?

“Cas-”

“I meant every word, Dean. _Every word_ \- you are an amazing, loving, beautiful creature and the world was a better place simply because you made it so every chance you could. You deserved the world and the world needed you more-”

“I needed you!”

Dean wasn’t even watching the road at this point, but whatever. It's not like he can die in a crash or anything. Cas stares back, jaw set.

“No. You didn’t.”

“You- you don’t get to-”

“You didn’t need me to save the world and take down Chuck, Dean. You didn’t need me-”

“Castiel!”

Cas blinks, and Dean can see he’s stunned. He so rarely used Cas’s full name.

Okay, now that he’s blown off some steam, the words are a little easier to sort out. Even if he needed to borrow a few. “I know how you see yourself, Cas. You’re useless and you’re defective and you’re broken. You’re everyone’s little hammer. You think your mistakes make you unworthy, that you came off the chassis with a crack-”

“Dean-”

“That’s not what you are, damn it-”

“Dean, whatever you think you’re doing-”

“You think I’m the most loving guy out there? You’re the one who waged war on your family to save a couple mud monkey, you’re the one that keeps forgiving no matter how much you’re hurt, you’re the one who happily adopted Lucifer’s kid-”

Cas was pressing himself against the door at this point. “You are oversimplifying things-”

“I don’t need you because I needed a hammer, Cas. I need you because- because I love-”

Cas yanked open the car door and jumped from it.

“-Oh SHIT!” Dean watched Cas roll a few times before slamming on the breaks and jumping out the Impala. 

\--

“You jumped from the car.”

“I am aware.”

“You jumped from a _moving car._ ”

“My memory is fully intact Dean.”

“You have wings! Why didn’t you fuck off like you used to!”

“I-” Cas looked embarrassed. They were sitting side by side by the road. Cas wasn’t injured, thankfully, just slightly ruffled, but the principle of the matter still stood. “I may have, momentarily, forgotten about them.”

“Oh my Jack, dude.”

“In my defence, it's been a while since I have had wings that functioned, and I was panicking.”

They sat there in silence for another moment.

“Cas…”

“I… Dean, I never thought…”

“I- you know how I am with words. I just- how can you not know how much you matter?”

Cas hugged his knees to his body. “I keep making mistakes. Over and over and over again, Dean, no matter how hard I try to set things right. My brethren, my own father- they hated me for a reason. I’m not-”

Dean, tentatively, wrapped an arm around Cas’s shoulder. “I know. I know how you feel. But Cas-” Dean squeezed him again. “You made me realize it's not a matter of worth. I… I love you, Castiel. I have been in love with you for years.”

Cas, much to Dean’s surprise, snorted. “You called me ‘Buddy’ not even an hour ago.”

“...Okay, Cas, you need to realize something: I’m kinda a dumbass.”

Cas snorted again, but leaned leaned back against Dean. “I guess we both are.”

They sat in silence again, but it was a comfortable one.

Then- “Jack mentioned he might be able to bring you back.”

“...What?”

“To life, Dean. One final chance. He’s still figuring all this out, but if you were willing to try…”

Dean’s head spun. “I- what?!”

“I should’ve let him tell you, but I, well, I guess I just-”

“What about you? And Bobby and Ellen and-”

“You’ll have to talk to Jack. I believe he might be willing to try with a few of the others as well.”

“I- I can’t-”

“Heaven will wait for you, if you choose to go back. And it is your choice.”

Dean blinked- the thought of saying goodbye again hurt, but the thought of not seeing Sam and the girls and everyone else, even if only for a few decades, also hurt. But- “Cas, what about you?”

Cas hesitated, before saying, “I wanted to convince you to go back. That’s why I finally met with you- Dean, you deserve a good, long life. But you also deserve to choose what you want.”

“Cas, Cas, please- what about you?”

“...Jack is also giving me a choice. I won’t be able to stay on earth all the time, since heaven is my responsibility as well, but if I chose… I would choose what I have always chosen, what I never thought I could have. Dean, I just want to be by your side.”

Dean was definitely tearing up. He took a shuddering breath. “I- Cas, can I- I can make my choice when we see Jack later, but I- I really want to- Cas, can I-”

“ _Yes._ ”

Their kiss, the first of many, was heavenly.

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to write Cas jumping out the car to avoid his feelings while Dean was mid-sentence. Also they totally go back to earth and live a longass time because fuck that finale.
> 
> tumblr: sunshine-zenith


End file.
